The Problem
“Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.” - Albert Schweitzer
There are numerous reasons why people don’t get what they want or become who they want to be. A primary one is assumption. It’s said that they are incorrect 99% of the time. Once you’re wrong in a line of thinking you’re not going to get to right – unless you realize you were wrong first. A closed mind sees nothing but its pre-conceived notions. Indeed unrealistic, inaccurate or conclusive thinking are the crux of people’s problems.
Habits
Albert Schweitzer also said that the worst problem of men is that “they do not think”. Who am I to argue with such an esteemed man and Nobel Prize winner? However we coaches would say that peoples’ problem are that they think the wrong things. Those wrong things form bad habits and they become ruts. Habits make actual physical changes in the brain (even just thinking-habits); the only way to break them is by replacing them. This can only be done by a real decision. It’s nearly a Catch 22, action or thought - which must you change? The answer is either or both. One will lead to the other. However make no mistake; if you do not do something different - you will not get something different.
Opportunities
A great problem for many people is that they’ve become so skeptical they talk themselves out of countless opportunities, great and small. Many are just waiting for the grand opportunity to show, not realizing that it’s the little opportunities that lead to it. All of these people wind up not with what they really wanted but with regrets. It’s the most common lament of senior citizens –that they didn’t take more chances. One of my teachers; the acclaimed director Mike Nichols asked us, his students; “what makes a person interesting?” The answer is; they take risks. And if your life is boring or not what you want it to be, there’s only one way to fix it.
“All public victories are preceded by private ones” - Stephen Covey
Attitude
The one thing that is actually controlled by you is your attitude, even if you’re not aware of it. Here’s the real surprise; attitude is really personality. That’s right you decide what your personality is. And that is the most important decision of your life.
In both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous they say that using drugs uncontrollably (including society’s favorite drug alcohol) after many efforts to stop is because of a disease. And this disease is one of attitudes and behaviors – a spiritual dis-ease. The drug use is only a symptom. Addicts (including the addict known as “alcoholic”) destroy their lives with drugs, because of their attitudes which lead to their behaviors. After the drug use is halted the focus is on those two things (this is done by changing beliefs). What about you? What does your attitude and behaviors result in for you?
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation” - Henry D. Thoreau
FAILURE
The reasons for failure have a description. I’ve heard it put it succinctly with the acronym F.A.I.L.U.R.E.
Fear. Nothing stops people like fear. It’s well known that people are afraid to fail but the fear of success is just as common. Fear of discomfort, fear of this and fear of that. All fears are masters (except actual survival fears) and until a person confronts or truly deals with a particular fear – they are its slave.
Attention. Whatever you’re getting – that’s what you’re thinking about. It’s real simple. And whatever you’re feeling that’s what you’re focusing on. You really have all the power.
Indecision. Every single thing an adult person does is the result of a decision. And if a person wants something and is not getting it - that is because a decision is absent.
Lack of Action. Though we are human beings, its action that creates the individual’s world. Quite simply action is everything. No amount of wishing or even meditation will ever do.
Unrealistic Expectations. We tend to get what we expect but this has an awful lot to do with action. Expectations also have much to do with the unconscious mind (what doesn’t?). However, suffice it to say that one has to crawl before they walk. And walk before they run.
Repeat of Patterns. A saying I’m fond of is “Once is an event, twice is a pattern.” You can always tell what a person’s patterns are by what they do repeatedly. Between what they think and what they do are the words they say. So we coaches often will interrupt a negative pattern when we hear it.
External Negative Influences. This is as important as any other element. If someone contradicts what you want to do – you‘ll do well to eliminate that influence. Just be sure what you want to do is not destructive. I know someone who has a miserable life. When I asked him why he didn’t make the decision that he now regrets (a recurring theme with him), he said his friend talked him out of it. He’s always blaming and complaining about this or that. It’s the story of his life. A simple way to improve your life is to stop complaining and blaming and start doing. It’s said that everyone is an example of either how to be or how not to be.
Captain Coaching
There are numerous reasons why people don’t get what they want or become who they want to be. A primary one is assumption. It’s said that they are incorrect 99% of the time. Once you’re wrong in a line of thinking you’re not going to get to right – unless you realize you were wrong first. A closed mind sees nothing but its pre-conceived notions. Indeed unrealistic, inaccurate or conclusive thinking are the crux of people’s problems.
Habits
Albert Schweitzer also said that the worst problem of men is that “they do not think”. Who am I to argue with such an esteemed man and Nobel Prize winner? However we coaches would say that peoples’ problem are that they think the wrong things. Those wrong things form bad habits and they become ruts. Habits make actual physical changes in the brain (even just thinking-habits); the only way to break them is by replacing them. This can only be done by a real decision. It’s nearly a Catch 22, action or thought - which must you change? The answer is either or both. One will lead to the other. However make no mistake; if you do not do something different - you will not get something different.
Opportunities
A great problem for many people is that they’ve become so skeptical they talk themselves out of countless opportunities, great and small. Many are just waiting for the grand opportunity to show, not realizing that it’s the little opportunities that lead to it. All of these people wind up not with what they really wanted but with regrets. It’s the most common lament of senior citizens –that they didn’t take more chances. One of my teachers; the acclaimed director Mike Nichols asked us, his students; “what makes a person interesting?” The answer is; they take risks. And if your life is boring or not what you want it to be, there’s only one way to fix it.
“All public victories are preceded by private ones” - Stephen Covey
Attitude
The one thing that is actually controlled by you is your attitude, even if you’re not aware of it. Here’s the real surprise; attitude is really personality. That’s right you decide what your personality is. And that is the most important decision of your life.
In both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous they say that using drugs uncontrollably (including society’s favorite drug alcohol) after many efforts to stop is because of a disease. And this disease is one of attitudes and behaviors – a spiritual dis-ease. The drug use is only a symptom. Addicts (including the addict known as “alcoholic”) destroy their lives with drugs, because of their attitudes which lead to their behaviors. After the drug use is halted the focus is on those two things (this is done by changing beliefs). What about you? What does your attitude and behaviors result in for you?
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation” - Henry D. Thoreau
FAILURE
The reasons for failure have a description. I’ve heard it put it succinctly with the acronym F.A.I.L.U.R.E.
Fear. Nothing stops people like fear. It’s well known that people are afraid to fail but the fear of success is just as common. Fear of discomfort, fear of this and fear of that. All fears are masters (except actual survival fears) and until a person confronts or truly deals with a particular fear – they are its slave.
Attention. Whatever you’re getting – that’s what you’re thinking about. It’s real simple. And whatever you’re feeling that’s what you’re focusing on. You really have all the power.
Indecision. Every single thing an adult person does is the result of a decision. And if a person wants something and is not getting it - that is because a decision is absent.
Lack of Action. Though we are human beings, its action that creates the individual’s world. Quite simply action is everything. No amount of wishing or even meditation will ever do.
Unrealistic Expectations. We tend to get what we expect but this has an awful lot to do with action. Expectations also have much to do with the unconscious mind (what doesn’t?). However, suffice it to say that one has to crawl before they walk. And walk before they run.
Repeat of Patterns. A saying I’m fond of is “Once is an event, twice is a pattern.” You can always tell what a person’s patterns are by what they do repeatedly. Between what they think and what they do are the words they say. So we coaches often will interrupt a negative pattern when we hear it.
External Negative Influences. This is as important as any other element. If someone contradicts what you want to do – you‘ll do well to eliminate that influence. Just be sure what you want to do is not destructive. I know someone who has a miserable life. When I asked him why he didn’t make the decision that he now regrets (a recurring theme with him), he said his friend talked him out of it. He’s always blaming and complaining about this or that. It’s the story of his life. A simple way to improve your life is to stop complaining and blaming and start doing. It’s said that everyone is an example of either how to be or how not to be.
Captain Coaching